22 Nov 2016

Moving On

Its one of the most difficult things in life, moving on. Moving on from a relationship, job, place; it could be anything. Change in general is a difficult thing for most of us. We get so accustomed to the warmth of the familiar that even though we know its time to leave, we just stick on. Not because its the best thing to do but because its the easiest thing; the most convenient thing. If something doesn't grow you personally, professionally or spiritually, it has outlived its purpose. Decluttering your life just like your wardrobe can be a very rewarding experience. Moving on from a relationship especially is a very sensitive and emotionally taxing activity. Having been in and out of my fair share of emotional roller coasters and having witnessed a lot of people going through the same, I have gained some insights on the topic.


A lot of people keep coming and going from our lives on a daily basis. Some that we happen to share a seat with on a crowded bus or subway. Some we meet regularly on the way to work or on the way back from library. A few we talk to and then totally forget about. Some people leave a lasting impression with just one meeting. I don't think I'll ever forget the retired book publisher who bowled me over with his knowledge and chivalry or the waitress who gave me a sound bit of advice and moral boost at a time when I really needed it. Some people we have known for years. Few who came into our lives during a particular phase and stayed on while some others who parted ways. Whatever the relationship or the duration we knew these people for, everyone in our life adds some value. They bring their uniqueness and ideals to our life and adds value to our life knowingly or unknowingly. And once they serve the purpose, they leave. And that is how life is. Whether we like it or not, that's how its going to be. Hanging on to those who need to leave will just drain your energy and spoil the good relationship we had. Sometimes, letting go is the best thing you can do to a relationship. Maybe if I had kept in touch with the ex-book publisher and gotten closer to him, I would have found out things about him that would make me dislike him. The waitress might turn out to be a nasty woman. The magic that those few minutes or few days create might not survive in the long run. So, its actually good that not everything lasts long.


A major problem in not so great relationships is the question of whether to stay or leave. Should I give the relationship another chance? Maybe the other person will change. Maybe I can change. Maybe its all about adjusting. These are rather difficult and very personal questions that most of us ask ourselves during different stages of a relationship. Yes, no relationship is perfect. All relationships are build on mutual understanding and compromises. But there is a thin line between compromising and sacrificing oneself. In Indian culture a lot of importance is given to self sacrifice. If you sacrifice your comfort for other people's happiness, that is a noble virtue. I do not disagree with the goodness of this person's heart. But how long can you sacrifice your desires before it starts weighing heavily on your heart. As long as you can sacrifice and not have even an ounce of regret about it, you are good. But the moment the sacrifice becomes a burden, you are not just hurting yourself but the relationship. And often the biggest of lies are the lies that we tell ourselves. We lie to our heart and convince ourselves that we are alright with the sacrifices. That we are happy in the relationship. Being in touch with our own feelings is often a very difficult thing for most of us. We are ashamed of our feelings of jealousy, hatred and selfishness. We know that in an ideal situation, we shouldn't be having those feelings. Logic says its not reasonable to have these feelings right now but our heart doesn't understand logic. So we lie to ourselves. Its alright to feel ashamed, jealous, proud and selfish sometimes. After all, we are mere mortals with our own little flaws and weirdness. And being honest to ourselves and admitting these feelings are way better than hiding them from ourselves. If there is one person who was there with you from your birth and will be there till your death, its you and your conscience. The person you see in the mirror everyday is your best friend and companion for life. You owe it to that person to keep yourself happy. When deciding on this and any other big decisions in life, just ask yourself, is this going to make me happy in the long run? Be completely honest and receptive to the answer you get. Maybe you won't like what you hear. But you deserve to be happy and that little voice that answered knows what's best for you.


Everyone deserves to be happy in this world. At least we owe it to ourselves not to settle for anything that is less than what we deserve. Embrace things that grow you and even if it seems difficult right now, make those choices that need to be made. We are here to learn and grow and enjoy the simple pleasures of life worry free.

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